Make Them Say "No" To Your Face

In a world of digital media and social networking our conversations seem to be less and less in person. One thing that recently stood out to me that I wanted to pass on to the digital generation is this: Make them say "No" to your face.

Leaders need to be good negotiators. This is not a trait that I picked up as a child. It is something I've had to work on as an adult by finding mentors and learning from them. Leader, if you are not a student of negotiation, you will get No slammed in the face of your vision. If your vision is worthwhile you need to be able to open the door to Yes. Here are some tips:

• Never negotiate through technology. I understand this isn't always possible, but if you can help it meet to negotiate; it's too easy for the other party to decline your request or proposal. After all, they are just typing/texting and No is shorter than Yes. We've become used to an Ebay world in which you post your bid and get it or not. There are some things that you will need to move your vision forward and you can't wait around for the next one. Negotiate face to face. If you need a Yes and they might give you a No, then make them say "No" to your face.
  
• Talk to the decision-maker. When you're positioning something important make sure that you are with the person who is making the decision. The same is true when dealing with middle-men. If in your negotiation there is an "unseen" decision-maker, then bypass the middle-man and go right to the decision maker. Leverage this unseen decision-maker in your conversation.
• Negotiate through submission. Others would probably call this being passive-aggressive, but stick with me for a moment. When I'm negotiating I try to take on the humble role. I approach it with an attitude that the other person probably knows more about the proposal, they do more with the resources than I probably do, and they are better negotiators than I am. Sometimes this is true, sometimes it isn't, but I always try to approach it this way because true or not, at the end of the negotiation, I want to be able to work with this person again. If I start from a position of power and control I may lose the opportunity to deal with them again. A No today might be a Yes at the table next time if I will be humble, kind, and workable. Now the caveat is that though I take the humble position I still have a place I'm trying to get in the negotiation. I still am moving toward the Yes I'm after. I'm just doing it with concern for the other person and the process of the negotiation.
• Do your banking in person. This might seem a little tangential, but I really think it is a principle that has farther reaching implications. Can you guess who people like to help? People they know. I bank in person. It takes me a little longer than the drive through with the video screen, but when I need banking help my bank tellers know my face. They spot me credibility simply because I smile at them and say warm things like, "Hello". That's really about all it takes. It's true of the vendors that you negotiate with as well. Take time to drop by face to face often enough that when it comes time for negotiation people will want to help you.

I hope these tips are helpful to you, and I hope you get the Yes that you need.

--Ben