Time To Start Posting

Ok, I have been on the run this week, and right now feel like I can start unpacking some of my experiences and thoughts. This blog serves as a personal journal so some of this is really just stuff I want to make sure and record for posterity.

This week I went to District Council, and had the benefit of sitting through a number of experiences, some of the best of which were services. We had three outstanding speakers this week. On Sunday night it was Reinhard Bonnke, Monday night was Pastor Larry Hickey, Tuesday night was James Bennett. Each of them shared a very personal message.

As I sat through the services I thought I might share a personal insight. This blog helps me frame my life and those I share my life with. So anyway, here's what it's like to be me at services like this. When I walk in, it's like a fat kid with a cupcake. I can't wait to have every piece. As a pastor I am constantly on the giving end of ministry, up front, leading, and providing ministry for others. But when I attend events like this I get to focus on just me and God. I thirst for these events like water. I have personal habits of spiritual discipline, but nothing beats the gathering of God's people to worship Him, and hear from His word. We have a rule in my house that our daughters only drink soda at birthday parties. They have a good diet every other day, but on those special occasions they can't wait for that tasty treat. That's how I feel about worshiping away from SRC. To be honest I look forward to the day when God allows our church to grow and staff to the point I can enjoy it right from the seat at SRC.

I like to be early, and I prefer sitting near the back and to the end of an aisle. The music starts, and I begin to sing. It's not like the singing that I do each week at church where my voice serves to lead others. I sing loud, soft, melody, and sometimes harmony. And round about the first song I go through all of those. But into the second and third song my singing becomes much more labored because I start to choke up. I'm joining my voice with a choir of worshippers and the lyrics of these songs start registering in their meaning. I'm undone by the heart cry, "Savior, you can move the mountain," "When I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be your name," and each song becomes a prayer to God sung from my lips. And tears come to my eyes. My once loud voice is reduced to only partial articulation. Tears run down my cheeks and my neck.

Several years ago I offered my tears to the Lord as worship. When I'm moved to tears in His presence I don't wipe them away I let them roll down. It is an agravating feeling, but for each bit that tear rolls down I focus on God's mercy and goodness. Besides I look forward to when He will wipe away every tear.

When the offering plate is passed I give whatever I can; sometimes out of need.

I listen to the preaching of the word, and am moved by God's plan of redemption that is the constant theme throughout scripture. I want to be part of it. I get fired up inside and think about leaving in the middle of the service just to come back to serve this church and do the Lord's work.

That's pretty much what it is like to be me at these services. I am not trying to esteem it as anything more than it is; my way of encountering the Spirit of God at these events.

--Ben