Confidence means so much

I think that a defining quality in the leaders we admire is their confidence. Confidence is apparently hard to come by though, and many of us may be searching for it.

My coach shared this advice with me several months ago, "Everyone is less confident than you." I don't think his statement was a reflection of me personally, but rather the expression that most people lack confidence. I encountered it last night. People that I love and respect seem to be very unsure about decisions facing them. And I just wished that they could be more confident. I really wished it for their sake, not mine. I already have it, and I wish that I could package it and tie a bow on it and give it as a gift.

The only people I think that I'll ever have a significant chance of doing that with are my daughters. I believe that confidence is formed very young. In my case it came from a combination of expressed pride from my parents and a safe environment to try things. I was told, "You can do anything you want to do" with such love and sincerity I actually ended up believing it. So which came first the nature of confidence or the nurture of confidence I'll leave that to the psychologists. But I believe strongly that our decisions determine destiny, and we can decide to be more confident.

The lack of confidence is really rooted in fear, but what is there really to be afraid of? I'm not a bulletproof confidence man, there are times I deal with self-doubt and the fear of rejection, but if I get the chance to screw my head on straight then I can keep it straight. Here are some ways that I face fear and choose confidence...

• The Name Game. When there's someone in the room I go tell them my name as soon as I can, and I try to get their's. Knowing the names of people around you gives you great confidence. Another part of the name game is that when I see someone who I've met before I always introduce myself again by name in case that person has forgotten it. In most cases they say they remember but they still appreciate my sharing my name with them. It builds confidence in both of us. I'll also say that when someone comes in and I don't remember their name I either find out from a mutual friend before the re-introduction, or I'll just go say, "I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name." Remember this little hurdle hinders confidence. Don't play the name game.

• The What-If game. I play the what-if game to its conclusion, making sure I end on the right question. The right question is "What if I don't..." This is how I handle any lack of confidence in fund raising. It's easy to fear the rejection of my peers and colleagues. I deal with the questions of "What if they say no?" "What if they are offended that I asked them?" "What if they judge me for still needing help?" The truth is I play the game, but I discipline myself to play both sides and make sure I end up on "What if I rob them of the opportunity to be blessed for giving to our need?" "What if I hinder our ministry because of silly fears?" "What if I don't send this letter, make this call, or talk to them in person?"

• The Faith game. The longer I follow Jesus Christ the more I learn that God's will is less like a bullseye and more like a path (a straight and narrow one at that). It has less to do with a static result of decision and more to do with dynamic liquidity of action. It's step after step after step. And if we've got our eyes on our leader and forgiver Jesus then the steps are not going to lead to the left or right. They'll be good steps. I've learned that the Faith game is one we always win, if we're trying to follow Jesus. The 99 sheep didn't all take the exact steps in a line behind the Good Shepherd, the only difference between them and the other one was that they were following the Good Shepherd.
  

Hope it raises confidence in you. Because I have confidence in you.

--Ben